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We have all watched the heroes of action movies fight off countless amounts of enemies that provided no danger at all. Whenever we see the hero fighting off those useless henchmen, it doesnt leave us on the edge of our seat. We know that the henchmen arent going to do shit. They are going to run up to the hero get punched in the face and spend the next 5 minutes on the ground crying. This article will be pointing out the worst of the worst henchmen that ever existed.
5. Mortal Kombat: Annihilation - Sheeva

I mentioned this in a previous article, but this fight scene is too big of a piece of shit to not mention. I of course am talking about the scene where Sheeva makes her big fighting debut. This four-armed bitch is featured throughout the whole movie as one of Shao Kahns kickass henchmen. Finally we get to see her fight. Take a look at how she held up in her first fight ever.

What the fuck was that shit? She walks into the room, lays down one shitty line of dialogue and immediately gets her body crushed by a giant birdcage. This wasnt exactly the climax that most of us were looking for in this fight. I guess I cant complain too much. The scene directly reflects the level of entertainment that the whole movie provided us, which was somewhere between watching the first 3 minutes of a porno and getting your nipples cut off.
4. Spy Kids - Thumb Thumbs

In case you have not seen the movie. This is a Thumb Thumb. These were the evil henchmen of the movie. They were basically the same thing as humans, only their limbs and heads were replaced by giant thumbs.

What a perfect idea for a bad guy. Because if I was running an evil plan to take over the world, I would want my henchmen to lack the ability to carry a weapon. The most they could possibly do is come up behind you and give you a giant bear hug. They have proven themselves to be useless throughout the whole movie. They did not at all help Floop conquer the world. All they did the whole movie was be annoying freaks of nature.
3. Star Wars Storm Troopers

The storm troopers in Star Wars are some badass Fother Muckers. They pretty much make up most of the Empires army. This might have been what caused the Empires downfall. Sure the storm troopers are good at taking out some Rebel soldiers, but they are fucking awful when it comes to attacking anything else.

Lets take a look at what makes them useless:

  1. They have the aim of a rotten banana.

  2. They cant win a battle against the cutest, rock wielding creatures in the galaxy.

  3. Their armor is completely useless.

  4. They dont have enough motor skills to walk through a doorway.

Basically, these soldiers are completely useless and are not capable of taking over the galaxy.
2. Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull Soviet Soldiers

Watch this daring escape by the great Harrison Ford. In the starting of this clip you can see that he is trapped and has nowhere to go! But luckily Indy is super sly. It also doesnt hurt that the criminals have the reaction time and balance of a group of stoners that was recently diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy. Take a look at these henchmen.

The only person that has a good excuse to stumble is that dude that got shot in the foot. Everybody else just started freaking out for no reason. It is possible that the sound wave from the gunshot pushed all of them over... oh wait... no its not. So the only possible reasoning is that the henchmen are as easily frightened as pissy Chihuahua.

Not only are they a group of little pussy-twats, they are also complete dick at shooting. They have a clean shot at Mr. Jones throughout the whole scene. But luckily for Indy, the henchman are only proficient at shooting boxes.
1. The Dark Knight Rises Random Dudes on the Roof

The Dark Knight series is fucking awesome (excluding that piece of shit Batman Begins). This has stopped being an opinion and has now become a world known fact. If you could look past the creepiness of the Joker, the badassery of Bane and the sexiness of Catwoman you might start noticing the piece of shit henchmen that seem to be around. They cant do anything right.

The problem is that they suck at fist-fighting, yet, they are so confident in there fist fighting abilities that they will drop their guns at the chance to attempt to punch Batman. They cannot land a punch on Batman. They just run up to him, get kicked and fall down.

Sometimes they fall down even if they dont get kicked.

Fast forward to 0:31 and you will see this guy.

If you play the clip from there, you will see him come within 7 feet away from Batman, stand there for 3 seconds, then all of a sudden decide to fall down.

Good work dumbass. You did your job. Bane is really getting his moneys worth.