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Masturbation is one of my favorite hobbies ever. Yes, I called it a hobby. Thatís what it is. I do it because I like it and it passes the time. It should be a hobby for everybody.

I hate the sacks of shit that say that they donít masturbate. Why wouldnít you? Itís awesome. There are four different people that say they donít pleasure their genitalia:

  1. The prissy hoe bag that likes to pretend that masturbation is a disgusting habit.

  2. The sweet little girl that doesnít want to sound like a hoe bag.

  3. The walking bag of douche that claims that they get so much pussy that they donít need to buff their pickle.

  4. Overly-religious buttholes.

There is one thing that all of these people have in common. They are fucking lying.

There is no reason that people shouldnít masturbate. Itís there, easily accessible, gets rid of stress, makes you happy and best of all, itís free. Comparing ďtouching yourselfĒ to some of the other hobbies that people have just makes masturbation seem so much more kickass.

Going to the movies is a socially acceptable hobby. Yet, I went to the movies once to see a horrible abortion of a film called ďThe Curious Case of Benjamin ButtonĒ. Letís compare this experience to me just staying home to whack my weasel.
You can make a comparison like that with so many other hobbies and conclude the same results.

Masturbation was a gift that God gave us to use whenever we are bored. If you donít use it for whatever itís worth, heíll probably hate you and hit you in the head with a ball peen hammer in an attempt to knock some good sense into your useless piece of shit mind.