I hate the sacks of shit that say that they don’t masturbate. Why wouldn’t you? It’s awesome. There are four different people that say they don’t pleasure their genitalia:
- The prissy hoe bag that likes to pretend that masturbation is a disgusting habit.
- The sweet little girl that doesn’t want to sound like a hoe bag.
- The walking bag of douche that claims that they get so much pussy that they don’t need to buff their pickle.
- Overly-religious buttholes.
There is one thing that all of these people have in common. They are fucking lying.
There is no reason that people shouldn’t masturbate. It’s there, easily accessible, gets rid of stress, makes you happy and best of all, it’s free. Comparing “touching yourself” to some of the other hobbies that people have just makes masturbation seem so much more kickass.
Going to the movies is a socially acceptable hobby. Yet, I went to the movies once to see a horrible abortion of a film called “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”. Let’s compare this experience to me just staying home to whack my weasel.
You can make a comparison like that with so many other hobbies and conclude the same results.
Masturbation was a gift that God gave us to use whenever we are bored. If you don’t use it for whatever it’s worth, he’ll probably hate you and hit you in the head with a ball peen hammer in an attempt to knock some good sense into your useless piece of shit mind.
— MATT(@TheMattHaslem) February 19, 2013